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A poem...

my everything ended with you
the past spreads, future ebbs away
our meanings now conjoined, renewed
but over like light fades from day

afraid to write these flowing lines
the secrets, spoken, brittle make
fragility clings like the vines
of sadness that my sweetness take

but everything begins anew
the vastness suturing to slake
feelings now reformed, half-true
to numbness that the madness fakes

invades my mind, i laugh & cry
my oaths are broken, look away
civility turns blinded eye
to cover, slightly, shades of grey

Comments

  • I like it man. It delves deep then gets refreshing at the end. I always like reading poetry. There's a certain sense of longing always associated with it. A little piece of infinity was brought back.

  • Really nice ... thanks for sharing that.

    It sounds like a place we've all been and makes old feelings swell within me.

    ~Darin

  • ALLexALLex Member
    edited February 13 PM
    What's the poem's title?

    Honestly I found it not to be poetry. 
    Very basic meanings and the structure very basic too. 
    Good lyrics for a song maybe.

    Anyway for sure this is a good try, though I find it childish I recognize your effort and just for trying you deserve congrats! Nice try mate! I'm sure your talent will get better by time if you practice it!

    Peace
  • @ALLex, I surely hope English is not your primary language, something was lost in translation and you are not really that much of a douche bag.
  • I'm glad to know I'm not the only person that thought @ALLex 's comment was rude and inappropriate... I thought maybe I was missing something... 

  • @Chapman Not my primary language
    Other than that, it was just my honest negative review of this poem from my point of view and nothing personal.
  • @ALLex, sometimes its better to keep your negative opinion or review to yourself. Or at least word it with a little more taste and class. You came off as rude, arrogant, and my least favorite, passive aggressive.
  • @Chapman Okay.. It's just a negative review. I reviewed your "poem" but you critisize me as a person for that. lol
    And about the ' at least word it with a little more taste and class '  this shows to me what a shallow beginer writer you are.
  • ChapmanChapman Member
    edited February 14 PM
    That was not my poem, bright guy. I am just a dude who thought you were being an ass for no reason.
  • Oh!  I get it!

    You feel free to criticize others, but are offended when criticized.

    I know LOTS of folks like you.  :-)
  • miamimarkmiamimark Moderator
    edited February 14 PM
    @ALLex if you look you'll see, Chapman didn't write the poem. He's suggesting that your comment was out of line and out of place on this forum. Personally I agree with him. We try to keep things friendly and civilized here. Maybe you can keep your negative reviews to yourself?
    Maybe this isn't the right forum for you? 
  • ALLexALLex Member
    edited February 14 PM
    @miamimark I didnt know that he didnt write it. So this is an only friendly and good comments forum? I thought forums are for people with different opinions to write and have healthy dialogues. This 'keep your negative reviews to yourself' is so unfriendly and uncivilized from the point of reference of a healthy dialogue.
    Anyway you got offended and I didnt expect that at all. And it is not friendly if you accept only good and positive vibes.
    I just wanted to share that i found this poem wack, that's all.
    I totally agree with @moemojo , Thanks for the post man!
  • @moemojo, I was not the one having my writing criticized, I do not mind constructive criticism, but when you are being a dick just to be a dick, yeah, I say something. Calling the persons poetry childish, was pretty uncalled for. I am leaving it at that.
  • @Chapman 

     this is not a poem this is rhymes thats why i found it pretty childish.
    read more poetry and maybe you'll come to the conclusion that not all rhymes with pretty words are poems.

    Peace

  • Ok guys enough is enough... to answer your question @ALLex... YES, this is only a "friendly and good comments" forum. If you don't like it feel free to leave. 
    I hope you don't leave, you seem to have interesting things to contribute. 
    This forum has been doing fine without you as long as I've been a moderator here, since 2007. You've been here less than a month.
    After this post I will delete any comments regarding this issue so please stop.
    Thank you

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